Intention for the day:
grievance rumination mindful mindfulness
Opened affirmations journal to “I am inspired by the things happening all around me”. Two thoughts: 1. presume “inspired to murder” included, and 2. more of an instruction than an affirmation. Overall, not a great start.
Inspiration is tricky this time of year. Even more so when head is full of devious ways to spy on the other household. How dare they be happy when they seem to wish us so ill. Let me see them being so happy. Just need to check on them being so happy…
Suspect am sabotaging own mental wellbeing – should put a lock on own phone. Screen (scream?) time average is an actual horror show, and physically had to un-furrow brow using own hands earlier. Makeup stayed in the grooves; alarming monobrow. Not at all cool Frida, more Bert from Sesame Street.
Found stepdaughter’s water bottle in boot of car. Carefully labelled with her mother’s last name, her father’s being left off these days. “It’s too long otherwise”. Accepted, it’s genuinely gargantuan, but fonts can be reduced and eyesights improved. Screw convenience, there is none – we’re an arsing stepfamily. Refuse to accept it is anything but malice.
Am just grumpy. Stepfamily Christmases can be rough, tough and full of bluff(ing). Forced goodwill for some, enforced lack of contact for others – minefield of social anxiety either way. This year am left feeling annoyed by time we didn’t get, and the special traditions am hell bent on creating even if they end up falling on the 3rd of bloody January. What is that anyway, 10th day of Christmas? On the 10th day of Christmas my angry stepmother gave to meeee, burnt gingerbread reindeer, three presents from alarmingly memory-deficient Father Christmas (“he gave me one of those last week…”), and a stress headache.
And to top it all off with a squirt of festive “mummy does it like this”-ness, my stepdaughter is jarringly and without warning calling her stepdad Daddy. Dastardly bastard.
Think that concludes mindfulness for the day, jolly good. Deffo still hungover. And very hangry.