The Inspiration Behind this blog for stepmothers

I’m actually a lawyer by day (no, don’t go!). I’m not a coach, or a therapist, or a relationship counsellor.

What I am is a problem solver, a feminist, a stepmother and (more recently) a mother; advocating on your behalf for your place in your family, and for the recognition of blended families/stepfamilies/coparents as happy, healthy family dynamics.

I believe passionately that you can’t understand your worth as a stepmother, without first understanding your worth as a woman.

I also believe that stepmothers are in great danger of becoming completely lost in their roles, and supporting them to rediscover themselves is as important for the health of stepfamilies as anything else.

At Stepmum In Stilettos we face up to the bad bits, celebrate the good bits, and form our tribe through adversity

A blog for stepmothers is no use at all if it’s no use to you, my thoroughly misunderstood women. I want to hear from you! Pop over to the Message Box and leave me your thoughts, your stories, or your questions.

And if you, too, are a stepmother blogger, and wish to collaborate, please do not hesitate to reach out. We’re better together.

A special hello to UK stepmothers

When looking for my own support as a new stepmother in 2017, I soon realised that stepmoms are more widely catered for than stepmums.

The States seems to be much further ahead in embracing stepfamily culture than we are in the UK, and there’s much to be admired in the burgeoning support available for American stepmothers.

We can learn a lot from some of the great work happening across the Pond.

The difference between stepmoms and stepmums is a matter of semantics in many cases. Our emotions about The Ex, worries about being an outsider… we’re all feeling the same things, and there’s so much great thought and advice out there for stepmothers regardless of where they’re based.

However, when it comes to our legal systems or current affairs, and the practical implications these might have for our families, there are some fairly major differences. It’s not always fantastically easy for UK stepmums to find the best information about their circumstances.

We fear that we shall be judged

My theory, and that of the editor of Stepparent Magazine who I’ve spoken to about this phenomenon, is that it’s a cultural thing. We’re just not up for airing our family’s dirty under garments, and you can see why when you hear some of the outrageous circumstances us stepfamilies are living within.

This is why I’m bringing together some of the very best thought on the subject regardless of where my fellow stepmothers are based, but also to provide some much needed viewpoints for my UK brethren.

Because we could all do with feeling just a little less alone.

“What? You too? I thought I was the only one!”

C.S.Lewis

Don’t Just Take My Word For It

I’m a relative newbie on the scene, having been a stepmother since 2017. You can fit a fair few experiences into those small years, but as a stepmum baby I can only bow to the infinite wisdom of the veterans. They’ve written some brilliant advice on the subject, and have saved my stepmum bacon over and over again as I’ve put my foot in it, and then put my foot in my mouth. Or when someone else’s foot has also ended up in my mouth – a hazard of the job.

All the books which have inspired the creation of the content on this site are listed in Resources. I hope it will help to save you some time in finding the right advice for your situation.

#notapornsite

You’d think it would go without saying, but try Googling “Stepmum In Stilettos”.

This is precisely why I called this blog what I did. Stepmothers are reduced to stereotypes more often than they’re not, and I thought it was damn well time we reclaimed our stories.

No more being reduced to sexist ideals, or sidelined as nothing more than a fetish or a nasty woman. This stepmum in stilettos is loving her family and living her blended life with no more questions of “am I enough”.

Do you like that side boob? That turn you on? Well it shouldn’t, because that’s MY sideboob.

Peter Griffin, Family Guy

The Post Categories

I have a personal interest in Parental Alienation and feminism. I actually believe the two are entirely intertwined, and part of the purpose behind this blog is to explore that more fully.

However, step parenting is an enormous, complicated, fascinating subject, so why stop there.

I’m not here to give any legal advice (and, in fact, I can’t). However, turning legalese into legal-ease (!) is the very least I can do, and there is a splash of this here and there.

Finally, if you’re looking for a particular subject, don’t forget that you can use the Search function at the top of the page.

Before you go…

There’s a bit more about me at Who Am I.

You can also find Stepmum in Stilettos on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest.


A huge welcome to the site, I’m so pleased to see you here. I hope you keep coming back to us as we grow, and don’t forget to leave me a message at the Message Box (I’m not sure I mentioned that).

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