Bringing a Monster Back Down to Earth

Hmmm, Sam seems distracted today.

That look in the eyes always crops up when She messages something crap, or mean, or sassy.

We were supposed to have Rach over next weekend. I bet She’s cancelled it… I bet She cancelled it because She wants her latest squeeze to meet Rach at the weekend instead. I bet She didn’t tell Sam that – I bet, I bet I bet She just said “something’s come up”, no, I bet She said “Rach doesn’t want to see you”.

She always says that when She doesn’t want to own up to something. And Sam would never call her out on it. Sam never calls her out on anything. Sam is so nice to her because She has all the power, it drives me insane.

Sam makes me insane, Sam turns me into a crazy lady, why does Sam do that to me?! Doesn’t Sam know how it makes me feel to always be the one to point out how annoying and hypocritical She’s being?

Sam clearly doesn’t know me at all; if I shaved all my hair off one day, Sam wouldn’t think “oh that’s clearly a cry for help, she would never normally do that”, Sam would think “why does she look different today…”.

But then I am different, I’m the big purple moon monster that sits in the corner whilst Sam and Rach have their in-jokes and their family history. A big purple moon monster that scuttles and snuffles and pokes around for affection. I should just bloody go back to the moon already. And when I’m there, I’m going to use my big purple moon monster fishing line to catch Her, and I’ll reel Her in, and then She’ll see just how scary I can be.

Then Sam and Rach will be free to live happily ever after, and maybe they’ll get a new stepmum who won’t be as insane as I am because She won’t be around anymore. They’ll have the perfect life, and all I’ll be able to do is cry big tears from the moon. I’ll make it rain, I’ll make it rain on ALL of them.


AAAAAAAARGH!!!


It makes my belly hurt!

Not as much as carrying Rach made her belly hurt I’m sure. Thanks for reminding me. I do wonder how She manages to look so great in those jeans after all that. My fat arse wobbles around, a manifestation of the disappointment that I am, and she just bounces around without a care in the world, with her new lover, spending all our money.

At least when I’m back on the moon I won’t have to worry about that anymore. I’m going to stuff what little I have left into the soles of my shoes and run. Run run run, I don’t know why I bother…

“Sweetheart, hello! Hello? Sweetheart! I’ve been trying to talk to you for ages. You’ve got the weirdest look on your face, what was that about your belly? Loving the new hair by the way. Sorry I’ve been distracted this morning, I’ve got a blocked up ear today, it’s driving me crazy. Can you drive me to the pharmacy?”

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